Here's to the Henchman

I was watching my Batman: The Animated Series DVD, and it got me thinking... Who are all these unheralded henchmen that lie in wait for our Caped Crusader?

Think about it: Super-villains, especially those arch rivals of Batman, are absolute sociopaths. These are twisted, dastardly sickos; rude, selfish misfits gone mad. Somehow I don't think that they'd be making their way to local bars and buying rounds for everyone in order to make friends. My impression is that most super-villains aren't just antisocial (by the psychiatric definition of the word), but absolutely lacking in any sociability whatsoever. There are hardly any super-villains whom I would qualify as being truly charismatic leaders.

With that in mind, where do super-villains find their henchmen? Look at your common assemblage of henchmen: they seem like a bunch of regular joes to me. Obviously, they're not opposed to a life of crime (whether morally or pragmatically), but they don't seem like evil or insane people. What kind of situation brings the two groups together? Do they have networking events that break the ice for socially inept criminals? Why do these henchmen work for such psychopaths? What convinces them to fall in with these wackos? Are the two groups really such a coterie that I cannot possibly imagine? (The always-eager-to-please grinning goons on the old Batman TV show seem to support that theory. But maybe they're just really anxious to put on a smile and earn some brownie points with their bosses.)

I thought that perhaps these henchmen are down-and-out guys who can't make their monthly payments on time; these would be people forced into a life of crime, and what easier way to make a quick buck than to join a local syndicate that organizes everything for you? But with what are they being paid by their so-called benefactors? Super-villains, on the whole, seem to be hard-luck fulltime criminals. They can barely get by for themselves -- and I only mean that in financial terms right now -- let alone support a mob.

I'm sure that the henchmen must be promised abundant riches via means of hostage/threat demands, bank jobs and whatnot. But more often than not, super-villains seem to concoct plans that are absolutely devoid of financial gain. Two common themes to master plans are "kill Batman" and/or "expose Batman's secret identity" neither of which are going to get "Joker" or "Penguin" engraved on the plaque next to John D. Rockefeller. Are empty promises enough for henchmen? Don't they read the newspapers and see that these super-villains' plans are foiled time after time after time by the World's Greatest Detective? Why are we even still calling these guys "super-villains?"

Perhaps the truth is that henchman are simply "Eleanor Rigby" types -- lonely people. They just want someplace to belong; they want people who will accept them no matter what. If anybody is going to be accepting, it's probably the local super-villain. Who else would be on such intimately familiar terms with abnormalities and stigmas? I suppose that, like any gang, super-villain outfits could provide some twisted reassurance of "family" for the feeble-minded and the desperate. Well, I don't know about you, but the day that I go looking for a friend -- or worse yet, a father figure -- in a grossly deranged circus clown or an overweight screwball birdwatcher is the day that I need to shoot myself.

Maybe henchmen just needed a little bit more love from their families. Maybe they just needed an encouraging word here and there. Maybe they just need a little compassion. They'll need a lot of empathy if they're ever going to rehabilitate. They really don't have much right now after all. They're thoroughly unappreciated by their employers and taken for granted by their adversaries. These saps usually get a mere 2-5 seconds of screen time, being called upon as cannon fodder while the super-villains make their escape. Then they're promptly knocked out by the Dark Knight, never to be seen again. Next time you see that happen, remember that you might just be a few steps away from being that guy who just got his face punched in. Here's to the henchman, poor, misguided soul be he.